Lean Kitchen..you have to check out this website!!

Hey Ladies!

My friend started a cooking blog, called Lean Kitchen. You can read about how she eats supportivley (High protein foods). Her recipes are amazing and I just had to share with you ladies as we all LOVE high protein healthy foods.

This recipe had me drooling.. check her out she sends exciting recipes almost every day!

http://leankitchen.com/pesto-faux-tucinni-with-chicken.htm

I heart Blogland, Thank You!

I heart Blog land!! You ladies are amazing, the comments I received after my last post were so supportive. I wanted to let you know how your support helped me get through Thursday!
I love that I am apart of a community that supports my weight loss with the band but also of my every day life!  

I have met some amazing friends in my journey BIG THANKS! 

Something I need to share...My Mom

This for me will probably be the hardest post that I ever write.  

Two years ago today my mother committed suicide.

On June 17th 2008 it was a Tuesday, this would be the day that changed my life forever.

It was 40 days before our wedding. The last time I saw my mother was a few weeks prior in May when she flew up from Florida and threw me my bridal shower. One of the best days of my life, and now one of the saddest because it was the last time I would ever see her. 

My mother had been diagnosed with Bipolar for 10 years, she probably had it a lot longer than that, hell probably my entire life.

My mothers controlling behavior throughout my entire life I feel played a part in my problems with weight. The one thing I could control was what and how much I ate. Food was my drug, it made me feel good. I still love food, I just can enjoy it and not be harming myself anymore. I am not blaming my mother for me becoming obese, but I feel in a way she definitely aided in it.


I have wanted to talk about this many times here, but today felt like the best day to me. 

I am still angry, sad and every other emotion that comes a long when a friend or family member commits suicide. I am still deeply hurt, for the timing of it 40 days before my wedding, to me feels like a slap in the face. I think all the time how sad, I only had 27 years with my mother. I loved her dearly.

I still am shocked I was able to get married, I was on auto pilot until our Honeymoon where sadly I cried every day. 

I will never be able to forgive her for what she did. My stepfather who had been her husband for 12 years had to find her. She also left my 9 year old sister and 3 year old brother (who was adopted from Guatemala) 


Today is a sad day for me, and it will always be.


Here is a picture of my mom and I at my bridal shower

                                                                 I love you Mom

bouncing scale

 my scale has been bouncing all over this week, last week I weighed in at 161 for hot summer meltdown, I saw 159, 160, 157 this week and now I am back at 161 UGH

So frustrating...  as my goal bag just sits in my closet

Picture from date night and homemade chicken salad with greek yogurt

I promised you a picture from my date night! so here it is!! It made me go into my snapfish account and go into June 09..I found a bachelorette party weekend I had gone to  lots of photo's without one of me in it! And then I found 2 from a Red Sox game in June first weekend.. one that somehow I didn't delete not a full body shot, but you will get the jist!

 Now here I am June smiling for my hubby.
the saddest part of this picture is seeing the next one as I know I looked at it and said take another.

th

 this picture says so much, how unhappy I felt.











On to chicken salad!! 

 Rotisserie Chicken, red grapes, green onion and plain Greek Yogurt 

  Lunch for a few days this week! I also packed some Arugla lettuce if I wanted to have some with my salad.

Insurance has stopped paying for my FILLS :(

My Fill on Wednesday went well I need at little tweak so my NP addeded  .2

The not so good part of my visit was them letting me know none of my fills have been covered since January with my new insurance so I will be paying $250 per fill which will be $ 750 I owe to my surgeon.

My husbands insurance changed in January, I called and talked to the insurance in December making sure it would be covered. His employee opted for a plan that has NO baratric coverage. Now I am all types of worried, I need our insurance plan changed because what if something goes wrong with my band :(

I am on day 3 of liquids after my fill..feeling pretty good and def have restriciton!

Let hope this last fill takes me to goal!!

xo Nicole

PS Date night with my hubby I will make sure to get some pictures