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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I am getting a divorce.

I have been dreading this post. I haven't logged on in about 3 weeks, and the reason is I have seperated from my husband and we are getting divorced.

I haven't had the heart to log on here and share my news.. well because it's hard to write it out and actually say to people. And a part of me doesn't want to worry others because of the divorce rate related to WLS.

And I truly believe deep down that it doesn't have to do with me losing 100+ lbs. We had been trying to have a baby and my husband always talked about waiting..waiting for a house..waiting for the spring I am turning 30 and he turns 39 next month. And finally last month he said to me "You know if you get pregnant, it's all on you"  And that right there folks is why I am getting a divorce.  So with that repeating in my head ..I sat down and had a talk and deep down he really doesn't want children, he thought his mind would change (since I wanted children so badly) but the older he gets the less he wants them. 

So is it because I am happy with my body and confident that I decideded to take a stand for myself  and take a leap of fait to find a partner that wants the same things in life? maybe?

The next few months will be a rough road for me, I am losing the home I have made, and my best friend.

But ladies life is to short  NOT to be happy.

I am so very looking to seeing everyone who will be in NYC for brunch this sunday and BOY do I need a margarita.

59 comments:

  1. Wow! I'm so sorry, Nicole, but I'm also really proud of you for standing up for yourself and your wants and needs.

    Please don't shut us out through this time. You don't have to write about your divorce, but it really does help to keep blogging.

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  2. Nicole,

    I'm so sad to hear you are divorcing. However, I totally understand. I have always wanted to be a mother. It was biologically possible for me...but I have been blessed through adoption.

    It is wonderful that with your weight loss you gained confidence. That confidence is going to help you with this period in your life.

    Know that your online family is here for you...if you need anything give ma holler.

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  3. Sounds like you need more than one margarita. Ultimately, you made a decision that is going to make you happier and that's where the focus should be so congratulations.

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  4. I have missed your blogs and was hoping you were okay. Yours was one of the stories that really inspired me! I am so sorry to hear about your marriage but really proud of you for standing up for what you want. Having a family truly is a deal breaker for most. You are young, beautiful, and now feeling terrific about yourself so you will meet someone who wants the same things as you. I didn't meet my husband until I was 36 and started having a family at 37. Three kids and 8 years later my life is hectic but wouldn't trade my family for anything. Really looking forward to meeting you on Sunday. Keep blogging!!

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  5. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am going through a divorce right now too and I know it is hard. If you ever want to talk, I am here to listen. It will get better in time.

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  6. I have missed you so much and want you to know how inspiring you are. You are way to gorgeous not to have kids. Big Hug!!!!

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  7. I am so sorry to hear the news, but I am so proud of you for making the decision to be truly happy in your life. You have all of our support and love!

    Hugs,

    Stephanie :)

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  8. I'm so sorry to hear the news but as someone who has been through a divorce your last statement says it all...life is too short to be unhappy. *Hugs*

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  9. Wow. I'm so sorry Nicole but I know so many women who have been in this exact same position and when they finally decided to move forward and find the right partner, their life changed for the better. I think its great that you are confident enough to make such a hard decision and wish you all the best!

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  10. Divorce is so hard, but not near as hard as living and unhappy life. I'm proud of you, and we are all here for you!

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  11. I know that this is not an easy decision to make, but knowing that you can stand for yourself and make this decision speaks a lot. It has to be difficult having someone close to you in life but not share the same important factors that make up a family. My prayers go out to you so that your transition will be a smooth one. I pray for the best in this situation!

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  12. I'll repeat what others have said, I'm so sorry that you are going through a difficult time, but I think it's wonderful that you have the confidence and will now to stand up for what is right for you. I can imagine that 100+ pounds ago, that decision would have been much more difficult to make (if at all). You are such a beautiful person inside and out and you deserve to find someone that cherishes the same things that you want out of life. ((((((HUGS))))))

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  13. I know how hard it is to walk away from something you felt was your whole life. Everything you know gets uprooted and changes. I am sorry you are having to go through it, but you know when things are right and when they are not. Good for you for searching for true happiness and for not holding onto something just because it's what you're used to.

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  14. Oh Girl, I'm so sorry but GOOD for you for putting yourself and your wants/needs first. If he doesn't want kids now, there's no changing his mind and it would only be more difficult after a child is brought into the family. I wish you nothing but total happiness moving forward!! You deserve it!
    xo

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  15. I am so sorry to hear your news. It's good that you decided to blog aboit it. You are an inspiration. Keep that pretty chin up! :)

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  16. I love you. I am going to pour margaritas down your throat with a funnel in 96 hours!!!

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  17. So sorry to hear about your divorce. I do think you are making the right decision. I just know you will meet Mr. Wonderful and you will be happier than you ever imagined. Good luck!

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  18. Big hugs. This is so hard but I am so incredibly proud of you, Nicole. I love ya so much! xxx

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  19. I agree with you whole-heartedly. Life is too short! And having kids is not a minor issue. Doesn't make it any easier to go through, though. My heart goes out to you. I know you'll be fine - it's good to know what you want and to go for it. And getting divorced doesn't have to mean you aren't friends anymore. In this case, it just means you both have different priorities. I say kudos to you for not just letting your dreams go - that would lead to a lifetime of resentment and neither of you deserve that.

    Keep blogging - it really helps to be able to get it out there. I know you know that, though...we're here for you no matter how long you take between blogs.

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  20. You will get everything you dream of... It is so brave to leave content in search of true happiness. You deserve it! And you are so inspiration to so many others.

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  21. Oh Nicole, I am so sorry to hear that you are having to go through a Divorce.

    I have been through a Divorce several times, and I can tell you that if your marriage isn't working, then it is better to find someone else who is better for you.

    I love my hubby dearly, but there are times when I would have left him, if I was able to support myself. Unfortunately I can't, so I am in this marriage for the long haul, both good and bad...If I were younger and still able to work, I would probably be doing what you are doing now.

    You are doing the right thing, we here in blogland will not judge you...in fact who am I to judge? I have been married 4 times! But this marriage is going on 18 years next month.

    Best wishes, and here's hoping that soon you will find mister right who wants what you do, and all will be right in your world again!! I promise.

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  22. I am so sorry... but good for you for having the balls to do what you need to do to be happy. I wish you much happiness!

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  23. I am so, so, sorry that you are hurting, but I agree with everyone that you are so brave to make a stand for what YOU want.

    You are so beautiful, and will absolutely find the right person to share your life with!!

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  24. So sorry, Nicole! I wish you all the best in finding your way to happiness!

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  25. I wish I could come there and give you a big hug and then drink Margarita's with you!
    You are a strong,confident and beautiful woman...YOU CAN DO THIS!

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  26. {{{HUGS}}} May you get what you truly want.

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  27. I know how hard this must be and I admire your strength and clarity. I say you take a sip of margarita for every single comment on this post! Each post is a positive and genuine comment of positive energy and wished just for you. One of my best friends is going through this now. I hope for you only the best. YOU're amazing.

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  28. What a brave woman you are to stand up for what you know will make you happy. You totally deserve happiness in your life...sending you BIG {{HUGS}}

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  29. Sending you a big hug. You deserve better than this, and an "it's all on you" attitude is no way to go into having kids. I have a feeling that once the worst of this is over, that you'll find yourself happier than you knew you could be, and in a relationship that fits with what you want in your future.

    Sending best wishes and a big hug! (And, did you get the dress?) :)

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  30. I echo everyone else's comments - I'm so sorry you have to go through it, but so proud you made the difficult decision to stand up for what's important to you. I wish you nothing but luck, peace and happiness. I too, will happily help Joey pour margaritas down your throat this weekend.

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  31. I am so sorry to hear this Nicole but you are right; life is too short. I believe in marriage you have to agree on the big three; faith, kids and money. If you aren't thinking along the same lines on those fronts you just won't be happy and you deserve to be happy. I am sending good thoughts your way. You are amazing and deserve an amazing man that will give you beautiful babies! Hugs!

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  32. Good for you NIcole! We both know that you have been through a hell of a lot worse than this and i know you will be ok! Don't get me wrong, I know how much it sucks and it will be a rough ride for you but you will be ok, land on your feet and end up with someone who wants the same things as you do. I wish I were going to the brunch next week to give you a hug...you are a very special woman and you should be commended for taking control of your life! Your mother would be proud of you.

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  33. Nicole you know how sorry I am for you. I agree with all the other girls that you are a brave woman for standing up for what makes you happy. You know you are strong because you would not have made it all this way through WLS and kept on going. This will be hard and you know you can rely on me and ALL the other followers in blogland to help you through. I cannot tell you how to feel but you know that even if you have to scream, cry or rant you can call me or blog and we will listen.
    Love you and cannot wait to see you Sunday! Maybe it is a good thing that we are going where they have one of the largest selections of tequila in NYC... :)

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  34. So so sorry Nicole. This sucks, and I so wish I could be there to drink with you!

    But you are absolutely doing the right thing. No question at all. I love my DH to death, but if he had refused to have children I would have left in a heartbeat. In fact, knowing what I know as a mother, I would do anything to have kids -- even have them alone if I had to!

    You deserve SO much better. And no question you will find it. I'm so glad you figured this out when you are still so young (you really are, you know, 30 is nothing!)

    Please keep blogging & let us know how you are doing. You are the best. Hugs.

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  35. That sucks Nicole. All I can say is, having been through a divorce myself, things get better! You are so strong to know what you want and to go after it. I am so happy you realize that. It took me too long.
    I'm going to make you a new header tomorrow. For a new start.
    {{{HUGS}}}

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  36. Nicole, I am so sorry to hear this. But I'm really incredibly proud of you for standing up for yourself and not settling. You deserve the life you want, and that happens when you make it happen. You are strong. Just remind yourself of that every day.

    I can't wait to give you a hug on Sunday. Sending all my love.

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  37. awww pretty look at all the love you have on here! We all love you so much and are so proud of you. You are so much stronger then you realize, and I'm so happy that your standing up for what you believe in. We are going to have an amazing time together next weekend and I can't wait to cuddle you the whole bus ride! xxoo

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  38. Oh Nicole, I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone that that you should be proud that you've put yourself and your wants first. I think you can compromise a lot in a relationship, but about children. You are very young and beautiful and I have no doubt that some day you'll find someone who has the same dreams as you (or you can do it in your own if you want).
    I can't wait to give you hug Sunday and buy you as many margaritas as you need. :)

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  39. Hi Nicole, I'm a new follower. I know how hard and sad this is for you just now, but it also brings the promise of achieving your dreams. You have so many friends here, and much love to support you through. All the best

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  40. Nicole, I'm so proud of you for not only knowing, but doing what you need to go after your dreams...it's a scary thing taking that first step sometimes. I know this is going to be a difficult time for you both, but we're here to support you. I think the stats with WLS are so high because we're gaining so ((hugs)) -BG

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  41. Big hugs to you Nicole. Divorce is tough, but living in a life that is not ideal for you is something that you will regret in the long run. LIve life to its fullest. Children make all the difference. I can't imagine my life without my kids.

    Blessings to you...
    Tracy

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  42. Well I wanna cry a little for you. Because I know that posting this must have been hard, as is the process of making the decision that your roads are going seperate ways. I can't tell you how proud I am of you though for being strong enough to make that decision. Some people stay years and years bc it is just too scary. What I can tell you is, overtime...it will get easier, and I bet you will discover you are even stronger than you thought.

    It is just a reminder to us all that you never really know what is going on in someones life until they decide to share.

    Love you.

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  43. I'll be thinking of you girl. You are right, life is TOO short. Now it's time to put yourself first and just know that your bandster friends are here for you. Hugs!

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  44. I'm so sorry that you're going through this but absolutely agree that you're doing the right thing by following your heart. If you want a child, that's far too big a sacrifice to make for anyone...even your best friend.
    Can't wait to see you on Sunday...I'll help Joey pour.

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  45. I agree so much with Susan and the rest...you are doing the right things for the right reasons...I look forward to hearing about you realizing your dreams...

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  46. i'm so sorry jen, you are smart strong beautiful woman and this will only make you smarter stronger and i don't know how much more beautiful you can get!! see you this weekend :-)

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  47. Oh no, I'm so sorry. Sounds like the right decision for you though.

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  48. Wanting kids and not wanting kids is so hard when married. I wanted a another child, my husband didn't. so for many years we had the same argument and tears etc. My husband said he knew we would continue to argue forever or divorce if one of us didn't concede. So I know all the feelings that you are having. We did fostercare and ended up adopting two beautiful little girls. I hope things work out for you, whatever that might be. Just know you have to stand up for what is important for you to be truly happy.
    www.bandedup.blogspot.com

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  49. I'm glad you are standing up for yourself. Kids are too precious to miss out on, especially if you know you want them! You won't regret this when you have your child in your arms, I promise :)

    I hope you don't have an "ugly" divorce and that things are as ok as they can get for you guys. Good luck, darlin'!

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  50. So sorry Nicole. You're absolutely right that that life is too short to not be happy; you should definitely be living the best one you can. So proud of you. Good luck with everything.

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  51. My dh wanted children- badly- yet many days (our girls are 1 and 3) I feel like a single parent despite his best efforts. Parenting is tough enough without what would have undoubtedly been mounds of resentment and or hands-off from his 'it's on you' comment.

    I say you go girl! We're all here to support you. So one thing's for sure- you'll never be alone in bloggyland! :)

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  52. I'm so sorry...I feel like I know you through this blog and you have been one of the inspiration stories...in reading, I can tell you are a wonderful person and deserve the best...I hope that the healing process goes ok and the sun shines brighter soon...Looking forward to meeting you in NY!

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  53. It was so nice to meet you today - wish we would have had more time to chat! I will definitely see you in Chicago, and maybe we can do another mini-BOOBS before that!

    Liz
    Tales from the Band

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  54. My prayers are with you Nicole. Ultimately it's you that deserves to be happy.

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  55. I'm sure it was all said above, but... I hope you'll keep posting for support here. You're obviously a really strong and determined person, and you will make it through this rough patch.
    It was wonderful to meet you, I wish you lots of peace and happiness in your life. It will come together.
    Hugs and love and happy b-day!! xox V

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  56. hey nicole it was so nice to meet u yesterday..u look amazing and u will find someone who wants the same things as you including a baby xox

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  57. Just adding my voice to the chorus in saying how amazing it is that you are putting yourself and your needs FIRST. You absolutely deserve to have all that you want out of life along with a partner who will share the journey every step of the way.

    Hugs and continued strength to you my friend!
    D

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  58. Maybe your husband thought he could avoid it when you were heavier - that the possibly of you getting pregnant was less. It took the focus off of him not honestly wanting kids. Now that you are thin, hot, sexy ... shall I continue... it is more of a reality. Weight loss does change our lives. Sometimes not the way we planned. My thoughts are with you. Be strong and keep being one hot chick! xoxox

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